Behind Spice Zi Kitchen - how the mother & daughter co-exist in the kitchen.
Mama Zi & Baby T had many years of struggles, disagreements, and conflicts. Spice Zi Kitchen is just one of the ways they have re-connected their relationship.
About 20 minutes before every Spice Zi Kitchen session, I set up the ingredients to be cooked on the dining table and arrange them on beautiful plates. This is where we explain to the guests what goes into our food and the history of why we use them.
Mama Zi on the other hand will be balancing a phone call to her sister, a text message to my father, clothes to change into after showering while waiting outside the bathroom stall.
This is until, I say, ‘Ma! We have 20 minutes till the guests come. Please hurry and get changed!” Mama Zi will bolt into the toilet and say “ok! Be out in 10 minutes’ as she begins to clean the toilet one last time before showering.
As you can imagine, Mama Zi and I have many differences which we argue or sit on different sides on till 20 minutes before guests arrive.
Many guests who have come to our session often enjoy seeing our differences come together in the session - her agaration techniques with my voiceovers of how to make it work for beginners, her meticulous ways of cutting onions vs my haphazard slicing, and so much more. But yet, together, we are like cardamom and clove, we taste best when put together.
When I started conceptualizing the idea for Spice Zi Kitchen in June 2019, I knew that it would build a strong bridge between my mum and me. Apart from the food, heirloom recipes, culture, and logistics of the experience; I knew that our relationship made the heart of the experience. We needed to work on our differences, our working styles, and our responses to each other. There is no project or conversation that could have prepared us and brought us together as Spice Zi Kitchen has and for that, I’m grateful every day.
One of my favorite things to do after every Spice Zi Kitchen is to sit on the floor and talk to my mum about what we learned from the guests, what we did well and could have done better. Basically, we do an ‘after-action review ‘ in layman terms.
These are opportunities for me to bring up thoughts that challenged my mum’s worldview, like a person with a lot of tattoos or a person with a same-sex partner. It allows us room to discuss what she felt and thought with no judgment.
We also go over where we think we could have supported each other better. Sometimes, Mama Zi would say, “ma, next time could you help me watch the time to cook the mee siam. I couldn’t keep tab while stirring on the stove.’
I like that this allows us to single out an action or an activity that needs to be improved instead of targeting each other for our ‘flaws’. This was something I had experienced a lot growing up, where I felt like my mistakes made me a ‘bad child’ rather than a ‘'bad decision’ made by me as a child. Moreover, Mama Zi is also re-learning parenting and partnership with me as we go through this journey of Spice Zi Kitchen together.
This is why I’m extra excited to collaborate with Crazycat on their Crazycat gets cosy session on maternal figures on 19 August. This event has been in the works since the start of the year and has been postponed because of the COVID-19 restrictions.
It is *finally* looking to happen and we really can’t wait to meet other daughters and maternal figures!
We’ll be sharing some often used Indian spices, their day-to-day benefits, and bringing along steaming hot plates of Paal Mee Siam, amala-beetroot salad, and Payasam.
We would love to invite any daughter and maternal figure pair to join us as we share space, connect and understand your struggles and joys in similar relationships.
You will also go home with a goodie bag worth $75 from fellow mother-daughter and women-led businesses like @soami, @helumi.co, @thirdfloorproject, and @doughterbakery and @spice_zi! I’m so glad these wonderful people are supporting our event and sharing their goodness with you too.
We have only a few pairs of tickets left, so sign here if you’re interested.
If you’re still on the fence on whether you should sign up, feel free to reach out to me at @treehira or @spice_zi on Instagram and I’ll walk you through what you could expect and hear your out.
I’ve also shared some other snippets of my ongoing relationship with my mum. We are nowhere near perfect and this event is not for those with ‘perfect’ relationships. In fact, it is for anyone willing to spend time building on their relationship with their maternal figure.
Crazycat blog - Taahira (Baby T) from Spice Zi Kitchen to share with us a little bit about her relationship with Mama Zi; which stands as a little inspiration for all of us, as we stay indoors and build on our familial bonding. She also shares some tips on how we can build stronger relationships with our maternal figures and hope they’ll move you to try them out if this is something you need.
RICE MEDIA - The Ongoing Journey Of Seeing My Mum As A Complete Person, And Not Just A Mother
This newsletter was written by Baby T (taahira) the brains of Spice Zi Kitchen - an Indian Muslim home-cooking experiences with her mother, Mama Zi. Together, they share and teach heirloom recipes from their grandmothers as mothers as a vehicle to share about Indian Muslim culture and heritage. Taahira also goes by the moniker Treehira as she loves trees and all things that grow.
